In that moment, I panicked as well. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I refused to believe it or even imagine how different my life would be if what the police officer said was true. I ignored it and started praying. I prayed harder than I have ever done in my life.
We got into the car and started driving into the direction of the hospital. We had to pass by the same place that the accident took place since that was the fastest way. What I saw haunts me to this day. My sister’s car was turned over. There was glass everywhere and blood on the ground. Policemen and spectators all around. My mother’s screams grew louder as she saw the scene. Still I refused to believe; still I ignored the daunting possibility that my sister may have died. Me and my other sister were praying. We asked the whole church to pray with us.
My dad was mumbling his thoughts out loud. His eyes were sad and worried. Finally we reached the hospital. My mom grabbed my arm and we started running towards the entrance of the hospital. We didn’t wait for anyone else. We got to the counter and my mom almost yelled at the receptionist: “My daughter was in a car accident. Where is she?!” As the receptionist started looking up the name, our nerves kept rising and our patience lessened. Then the receptionist turned to my mother and said: “I am sorry, mam. There is no ‘Saina Anita’ registered here. The only people that arrived are an ambulance with someone that just passed away in it”.
With those few words, my whole world turned up side down. It was as if the ground beneath my feet became quick sand and I started to sink. All my hopes and prayers were dimmed out like candles on a birthday cake. My mom almost collapsed next to me as she was also drowned in sadness and grief. We came outside to the ambulance to find the rest of my family crying as well. My sister’s husband was rampaging up and down screaming as well. The last thing that I remember was holding my mom tightly, holding on to whatever hope we had left. I had never cried so hard in my life.
The months that passed after the accident were the saddest of my life. Family and friends were visiting from all over the world. They were staying at our house since we didn’t have the strength nor desire to do anything. We didn’t feel like washing the clothes, cleaning the dishes or any of those stuff.
Many people were trying to sustain us with their words and actions. Many of our church friends were praying for us and sharing verses of encouragement with us. At a certain point I got tired of hearing all of the verses. I was angry with God and confused at the ‘why’ He let it happen. The reason behind it all. I remember going into my room one of those days to just be alone. I cried as the memories of times with my sister flooded my mind over and over again. I grabbed my pillow and hugged it tightly, hoping that it would reduce the hurt somehow. Then the song came to my mind ‘Un Brasa So Mi Ke’ ( A Hug Is All I Want).
Me and a friend of mine, Charcel, had started writing this song a few months before the accident. Charcel had finished the first concept of the song ONE day before the accident took place. I can see now that God had been preparing me from the beginning for the hug that I would so desperately need. As I sat there, I prayed that God would come and that He didn’t need to say anything or do anything, I simply needed to know that He was there with me. Giving me strength and hope that everything would be alright.
My friend, I don’t honestly know the reason why God permits certain things to happen in our lives, but I want to tell you today that He HAS a reason and somehow, His plan will result in our good and not in our undoing. Although I was saddened with the passing of my sister, I still hold on to God’s promise that He has a brilliant future planned out for us; I still believe that God is all loving and all caring, because He had helped me and my family through those dark moments; I still believe in Jesus’ promise to never abandon us. I can honestly say that God will bring you through as well. No matter the circumstances that may come your way, no matter how dark the situation becomes, NEVER lose faith and hope in God. If He brought us through, He will bring you through it as well. Trust in Him.
I still sing this song and I tell this story every time before I sing it. Many people have been touched and blessed through this song and I pray that you will share this message so that God can use it to bless someone else as well. Check out the videoclip below and share this message of hope with your friends. Please let me know if the song has blessed you in any way.